


Secret in the Wind

by sapphicwonder



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Dark Emma is actually fucking dark jfc, F/F, Oops., also ill put trigger warnings on bad chapters, also there may be a bit of bashing or just me being an asshole to them constantly, hook and robin are in it but they wont be there for long, please be prepared for angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-04-13 19:40:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14119482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicwonder/pseuds/sapphicwonder
Summary: A swanqueen story. Rewrite about the Dark Swan Arc, Emma's past, casual angst. You know, all that good stuff. I've been wanting to write a story that includes all the things that I personally wanted changed, and here we are. I don't own any of the characters used in this story, nor do I have a copyright claim to the show, ABCs Once Upon a Time, or any dialogue that is the shows.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I redid the first chapter. Enjoy guys!

**The Enchanted Forest - Dark One’s Vault**

**_The Creation of the Dark Swan._ **

_It was dark._

_She’d seen dark closet spaces, basements, even the dim lit alley’s that she’d spent nights in to avoid going to her foster homes._

_But nothing was as dark as this. The dark surrounded her, filling her lungs, her nostrils, her mouth; anywhere it could get._

_She was suffocating and breathing at the same time, living and also dead. She was reliving the scenes of her past, and Emma Swan did the only thing she could._

_She screamed._

* * *

 Regina watched, almost in slow motion, as the darkness encased Emma. She felt arms around her, soft ones, indicating they weren’t Robin’s- but she didn’t notice till later. She was struggling and jerking with tears rolling down her face. When the darkness disappeared and left one thing behind, her stomach rolled.

With a clank, the dagger dropped to the pavement, bearing the name they all knew so well.

_Emma Swan._

The air was still; almost as if the world knew what had transpired, with everyone’s breath held and hearts pounding. She was startled from her paralysis as she found herself moving towards the dagger, the life sentence the Savior was now bound to. Hook also went for the dagger harshly. _Stop!_ Was her first thought. _That’s all we have of her right now. That_ is _Emma._

Her train of helpless thoughts were stopped when Robin entered her field of vision and attempted to stop Hook from hurting himself, but he only pushed him off, causing Regina’s nostrils to flare.

The dagger was between his hands before he could be stopped, gripping the hilt in a crushing hand. “Dark One, with this dagger I command thee. Return!”

It was silent, the tension thick and sticking to their skin.

“Dark One, _appear!”_

Hook’s face was contorted into an angry sneer.

“I thought you knew the daggers rules.”

He jerked his head. “With it I can summon the Dark One from any corner of the world.”

Regina, face grave, said the words that they all had thought, but didn’t dare say, unwilling to make it real. “Well, that’s just it. She’s not _in_ this world.”

Hooks face drops, suddenly looking down at the dagger in his hand forlornly; seemingly also realizing exactly what that dagger means to Emma. With the Charmings beside themselves and Robin insistent on clinging to her, she ignores them all and begins her way back to Gold’s shop, her mind already set on getting answers; on getting closer to getting Emma back. The filthy pirate pushes his way past Regina, and her head whips up, ready to berate him, but she restrains herself. She stands, watching the conversation with the apprentice with a grimace on her face.

When the apprentices words are done and the last of his energy spent, she picks up the wand.

She tries, again and again, to bring a portal to them, to bring them to Emma- but it doesn’t work. She finds her thoughts becoming frantic.

“Enough, you’re gonna embarrass yourself.” Hook spits at her. “How’s this for irony, you’ve done too much good. We need someone wicked.”

Regina pales. “No. Not my sister. She’s deranged.” But she was already considering it, anything to get back to Emma.

“She sacrificed herself for you, _your majesty._ Don’t you owe it to her to repay the favor?”

Regina knew the answer. She always knew the answer to that question.

_She would get Emma Swan back, if it was the last thing she did._


	2. Chapter 2

Emma didn’t know how long she walked, growling every now and then at the voice in her head. She continued on, legs never tiring, magic buzzing through her veins. She didn’t know where she was going, but she knew she had to find her family. She couldn’t stop thinking about them, because they were her goal.

_ Are they your goal, Emma?  _ The honeyed voice whispered, spitting the words with venom.

_ Your parents abandoned you.  _ The voice curled around her neck, like a snake, as her throat closed, the tears welling in her eyes. It wasn’t information she didn’t know, but this voice made her feel every single piece of abandonment, every feeling of worthlessness that she had ever felt.

_ Henry doesn’t really love you, Emma. _ It hissed, never relenting.

“Stop!” she screamed, voice hoarse and oblivious to the tears rolling down her cheeks. She wrapped her hands around her own throat, desperate to hold onto something, and dropped to her knees.

_ Pining after the Evil Queen? What would she want with you?  _ The vile thoughts kept coming.  _ She’s with forest boy. Her, Henry, Roland and Robin. Seems like the perfect family to me. And where do you fit in,  _ savior? The word was hissed mockingly.  _ The birth mother of a nearly fully grown child? You were never meant for playing happy family, anyway.  _

She slammed her hands over her ears and curled into the fetal position, her begging becoming mumbled whimpers as the darkness continued to tear into her soul.

_ Your parents have Neal now, Emma. What do they want with a fully grown adult? _

She shot up. “ _ Stop!”  _ she screamed at the top of her lungs. She slammed her hands over her ears again, knees on the ground, and screamed for all she’s worth to keep the voice out. Birds flew from their tree perches, the forest around her went silent.

“Wonderful performance, dearie! Scaring off woodland creatures isn’t really  _ my  _ forte, but you’ll get there,” a familiar voice called out from behind her. She couldn’t place it, but it was just that little scottish twing.

Turning, slowly, she jumped back. “Holy  _ shit.  _ Gold, aren’t you supposed to be off in a coma? And you’re.. You..” she fumbled for words as she gestured at him.

He pressed a hand to his chest and gasped. “Is that anyway to address someone? I’m a person too, you know. Well, mostly.” He giggled, sending shivers into Emma’s body.

“ _ Are people supposed to sound like that when they giggle?”  _ She thought this mostly sarcastically, knowing Gold was hardly human in this form.

“Let me introduce myself properly, dear, and answer a few questions,” He flourished his body, dipping into a mocking bow, his arms outstretched. “Rumpelstiltskin, former dark one, at your service. As for your question, I am, indeed, in a coma. The  _ real  _ me is, at least. I’m a figment of your imagination, dearie. Comes with the job.” 

Emma felt like she would pass out with the slew of information being thrown at her.  _ “Okay. There’s a fake Gold in front of me, probably here to guide me to darkness. Ignore him, find my family, and move on.” _

He giggled. “Sorry dearie, isn’t quite that easy. Can’t just push me out! I’m here till you embrace your inner,” he paused, pretending to take a moment to think, dirty nail on his chin. “Darkness.”

She shook her head vehemently. “I will  _ never  _ go dark,” she paused. “Did you read my thoughts?”

Fake-Gold shook his head, pursing his lips. “It’s always like this with you, isn’t it?” he sighed. “I am  _ apart  _ of your thoughts, dearie. You can’t hide from me.”

“I can always ignore you.” And so Emma turned from him, going to continue on the way she came. Of course, this just prompted “Gold” to appear in front of her, jolting her backwards.

“You can’t just ignore the darkness, dearie! It’s apart of you now, and you’ll have to accept it sooner or later.”

Emma pushed through him, knowing he was fake, and continued walking. Despite the fact that he stopped talking, somehow she knew he was watching, following, tracking what she did. She kept walking.

* * *

A hop, skip, and an adventure away, further into the forest, and she somehow has a heart in her hand. Ready to crush it, darkness pulsing through her veins, fueling her thoughts, hardening her emerald green eyes. Merida gasps for breath, clutching at her chest.

“Emma! No!” Her head snaps to where the noise came from, not wanting to believe it was true.

_ Don’t listen. Why else would they come to find you if not to control you?  _ The darkness whispered in her ear.

_ “ _ It’s the only way, Emma. Surely you know this. Don’t be foolish,” Rumpelstiltskin chided.

She looked between her family, Merida, and the heart, before regaining her resolve. “It’s the only way,” she echoed. “We have to stop the darkness, this is the only way to find Merlin.”

Regina stepped forward, something new in her eyes that Emma can’t place. “But to stop the darkness you’re going to let it consume you.”

Emma snapped her head towards her, a sudden, unplaced anger filling her. “Because you’re such a great example of that, aren’t you?” She sneers, eyes narrowed.

Regina steps back, shocked by the sudden anger and Hook steps forward, unbothered by her outburst.

“If we can overcome our demons to save you, so can you.” 

_ Of course he’d say that. He knows you’re not good enough for anyone else. _

Aggressively shaking her head, the blonde thrusts Merida’s heart back into her chest and steps into Hook’s arms, away from Regina.

_ Enjoy the closeness of the Pirate. It won’t last. _

Emma steps from Killian, towards her parents. “Mom, dad, you shouldn’t have come.” She sees the shock on their faces, having rarely used the titles “mom” or “dad” unless it’s a life or death situation. The darkness jumps onto this.

_ They came out of obligation, Emma.  _ It whispers.  _ They don’t love you.  _ Emma’s heart clenched.  _ They left their real child, the one they’ll get to raise, back home, for you. How selfish you are, to want them here. _

Emma shakes her head aggressively, screwing her eyes shut. She hears her parents say something, maybe about how she’s their daughter and they had to, but she can’t make it out. She’s underwater, drowning from the darkness, attacking every insecurity she had regarding all of them.

“Enough!” She snaps, and the voice vanishes. Every head turns to her, concern in their eyes.

She clears her throat. “That.. came out wrong. I meant enough, we must go find Merlin. How did you get here?”

When they lead her to Granny’s diner, she doesn’t smile, but the light in her eyes at their antics- bringing an entire diner on a rescue mission- reminds Regina of her Emma.  _ Their  _ Emma, rather. She shakes her head at the unbidden thought, and wonders where it came from.

* * *

 They arrive at Camelot faster than expected, of course not expecting a caravan of royalty to deliver them. Then again, for Emma, time has passed rather slowly since she’s become the dark one. She keeps quiet when Regina presents herself as the savior, too wrapped up in fending off the dark thoughts to refute Regina’s claim.

“Merlin’s tower,” Regina starts. “There must be something in here to help get him out of that tree.” Emma stays silent until Regina shuts the door.

“Never do that to me again.” Emma says quietly, but firm. Regina blinks.

“So now you’re talking to me?”

“Am I allowed to?” She hisses, staring pointedly at where Regina keeps the dagger on her person. She sees brown eyes widen slightly at the harsh tone, but hardens. 

“I saved your life!” Regina is incredulous, eyes wide and never backing down.

“Once in all the times I’ve saved you. How thoughtful,” Emma growls, and storms past her, leaving her alone in the tower.

_ She doesn’t care for you, Emma. Why would she want to help you?  _ Emma clutches at her dress as she walks, gritting her teeth.  _ She took the first chance she could to control you,  _ it reasons with her.  _ You must take the dagger back.  _ She slams her fist into the castle wall, hissing as she feels her knuckles split open, relishing in the pain it gives her. Something she can feel, aside from anger or sadness. She pulls her hand back, and inspects the damage, and then looks back at the wall.

She slams her fist into the wall, again and again, until it’s numb and bleeding, sure there’s at least one broken finger. She’s crying, by the end of it, but not from the pain, but because she can barely feel it. She doesn’t remember doing it, even subconsciously, yet she finds herself in the new chamber she was given, with a grey colored smoke dissipating in her wake. 

She falls to her knees, hands over her chest, sobbing for all she’s worth, bloody and broken hand cradled in her other hand.

_ You’re worthless, Emma. _

_ Your parents don’t love you, Emma. _

_ You’re not good enough for anyone, Emma. _

And that’s how Regina finds her, curled in on herself, crying, blood from her hand staining her dress, and mumbling “stop,”.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma implies things that scare Regina. Snow/Emma bonding because I wanted to give them a nice time. Emma succumbs slowly.

Regina had stepped out of Merlin’s tower for just a moment- to do what, she didn’t know. Her chest swirled with emotions, shame, being one, for having hurt Emma. Anger, being another, for Emma not realizing she only did it to protect her. As she continues down the hall, she pauses, hearing gasping breaths and choked sobs, and she rushes around the corner, only to be met with grey smoke.

Her eyes widen. “Emma!” She calls, but nearly smacks herself in the forehead afterwards, realizing that the blonde woman wouldn’t hear her if she had teleported herself away. She speed walks forward, down the corridors, trying to recall which chamber was given to Emma. She concentrates, trying to follow the magical signature; a spicy twinge to the normal sweet smell that Emma used to leave behind. Hearing sobs coming from the third room she stepped in front of, she knows she found Emma. 

“Bingo,” she whispered, not even bothering with the door but transporting herself inside, and immediately bringing herself into a crouched position, near Emma. Emma bristles, but doesn’t look up, and her breaths become less broken, a sign that she was trying to silence herself.

“Emma?”

Emma doesn’t move, nor indicate that she even heard Regina.

“Emma, come on, let’s get you off the floor and-” she catches sight of Emma’s right hand as she begins to stand up. “What in the seven  _ hells  _ did you do to your hand?”

It’s silent for a moment. “Leave.” The other woman says in the quietest voice Regina has ever heard her use.

Regina scoffed. “Like hell I’m leaving you. I need to clean that hand up and see how much damage you did to it, and maybe get you to get some rest.”

Emma’s head snaps up, eyes almost pulsating with something Regina couldn’t quite place. “I won’t be your  _ next  _ charity case,  _ Madame Mayor _ ,” she sneers, resembling something of a rabid dog with the way she spits out the words. “Or maybe it’s  _ Your Majesty  _ now, because we’re back in the Enchanted Forest. Or,” she pauses, and lowers her voice. “Would you rather I call you  _ Mistress _ , with the way everyone seems bent on using that goddamn dagger against me?”

Regina is left reeling, but before she can formulate a reply, Emma is up, and on the move. “I have every dark one’s memories, now,” she states, circling Regina like a lion circling prey. “I remember the one before Zoso- ah, yes. Condemned to being controlled by an angry queen, who ruled with an iron fist and used the dark one for her bidding. I remember every feeling of being  _ used,  _ for so many years. The queen was kept immortal, by her demand, and she continued to rule until someone stole the dagger- Zoso-, and killed the Dark One. But not before killing the queen.” Emma continues to circle her, but pauses behind her, looking off into the distance. “That dark one had fallen in love with that queen. Despite only being used for what she wanted, this dark one submitted. Well, after the first century, at least. She let Zoso kill her, if only to be reunited with her queen.” she takes a deep breath. “Even after all the suffering the Queen had put her through, all she desired was to please her., after she stopped struggling. Maybe it was Stockholm syndrome.” She drops her voice, “I wonder if that is the fate that will befall me, someday.”

Regina stiffens, and whirls around. “I will  _ never  _ let that happen to you, Emma,” the words are venomous and rushed, as if afraid it would happen right now. Her mind was swirling with the story she was just told, and she vowed to never let that kind of fate come to Emma.

Emma just turns, eyes glassy, but not with darkness, anymore. They held a sad tone, something that was so  _ Emma _ that the darkness couldn’t be talking. “Oh, Regina, don’t you see?” The corners of Emma’s mouth turn up in a soft, sad smile. “It already has.”

She turns and walks completely past Regina, to her things, seemingly done with the conversation entirely. Regina storms over to her, and grabs her by the shoulder. “You can’t just end a conversation like that! How dare- I- what-” She sputters, unsure as of what she wanted to say, still reeling from what Emma told her. The blonde woman turns, and removes Regina’s hand from her shoulder. She looks tired, now. Like all that energy just seeped out her.  _ I suppose that is what happened.  _ Regina thought.  _ The darkness used her as an outlet, to make her angry, and left, so she’ll crave it.  _

“I’m tired, Regina.” The words are spoken so quietly and the normally confident blonde is staring at the wall instead of her. “I think I’ll take a nap before the ball tonight, if you’ll excuse me.” With a slight flourish of her hand, Emma is changed into a comfortable nightgown, and before Regina can protest, Emma is into the comfortable looking bed, back against the wall, knees up to her chest. “Please, go.”

Regina walks from the room without another word, stunned, and Emma continues to stare at the wall.

* * *

That’s how Mary Margaret found Emma later, when she came to help get her ready for the ball. No trace of a bloodied hand, but staring at the wall, a blank look on her face.

“Emma, sweetheart, it’s time to get ready,” Mary Margaret calls softly.

Emma turns to look at her, about to reply, but she’s caught by her thoughts, and Rumpel. Though, one could argue those are one in the same.

_ She’s only here out of obligation.  _

“Quite right. You could just..” Rumple makes a sweeping motion with his hands from the corner he’s standing in. “.. get rid of her?”

Emma continues to stare at her mother, an odd look on her face as she tilts her head. Mary Margaret begins to prepare things at the vanity, oblivious to the torment going on in her daughters mind.  _ Just do it! Get rid of her. Kill her. Why give her the chance to raise Neal, when you couldn’t be raised by her. Do it! _

Her mother turned, suddenly, a bright smile on her face, but taking on a look of concern quickly. “Emma, sweetie, are you okay?” Emma shakes her head and smiles, even if it doesn’t reach her eyes. 

“Yeah, mom. I just zoned out, I guess. Long couple of days.”

Her mom laughed, eyes bright despite the situation they’ve all found themselves in. “I suppose it has. Come on, let’s get you ready.” Emma leaves the bed and joins her mother. Within 15 minutes they’ve picked out a dress for her, and Emma politely asks her mother to turn around while she changes. They’re seated in front of the vanity a few minutes later, and Mary gently places a flower crown onto Emma’s golden hair. She looks at their reflection in the mirror and smiles softly. “I remember when my mother finally let me go to a ball. I was eight,” her eyes become wistful. “And I was so excited. The lights, the people.. It was a amazing. And I remember thinking ‘I can’t wait until I have a daughter to share this with.’”

Emma grabbed her hand, and placed it on her shoulder. “I’m glad I get to share this with you, mom.” She leaned her head backwards onto Mary Margaret, eyes closing and relishing in the soft warmth the closeness gave her. And for a little while, she forgot about the voices.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has a bad memory, Regina comes closer to something she's pushed away all these years, and Hook is just happy to stand around like an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: at the end of this chapter, there is a scene where the darkness uses Emma's memories against her, and they include heavily/bordering on not implied at all scenes of COCSA.

It happened so fast. She was content, at first, descending the stairs, holding her mother’s hand. Caught up in the wistful fantasy of things that could’ve been. She was even content to dance in Hook’s arms, happy to feel loved by someone, to have someone want her unconditionally.

Emma didn’t expect the jealousy she felt, the red-hot anger pulsing through her veins, at seeing Robin dance with Regina. She was seething, envy in her chest. She nearly stopped moving entirely, caught up in her thoughts. Hook doesn’t notice, too happy that ‘his’ Emma is present for the moment. And then it happened.

Regina screamed, and it nearly broke her heart to hear, but hurt more to remember that she cared so much for the forest man. They brought him to a separate room, and Emma looked upon his unconscious body, apathy gracing her features as Regina tried to heal him. And then, Regina was begging Emma to save him, to take a chance. “I could use the dagger,” Regina hoarsely said. “But I won’t. I’m begging you, Emma, please.” She choked up; not out of fear of her magic, but because it would be easier not to save him. _ You’re right, it would. With him gone, you could pursue Regina. Let him die. _

Emma shook her head, and moved towards Robin’s still body. She raised her hand, ready to begin the process, the movement coming to her fluidly.

“Atta girl!” Emma froze, turning to the voice in the corner, who had otherwise left her alone.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to help you embrace the darkness, of course.” He looked so smug, sitting in the chair, with his legs crossed.

“What do you know that I don’t, imp? You wouldn’t be here if there wasn't a reason.” Emma grinds out the words, accusing and harsh, at something that no one else could see. Hook looked on, concerned.

“Emma, who are you talking to?”

“No one,” she insisted, despite walking closer to him.

She vaguely heard an exchange behind her, maybe Hook, but she was too focused on the glittering imp in front of her. “I’m fine, I can do this.”

Rumplestiltskin held up one finger. “Not yet, dearie. First, you must ask for a price.”

“It won’t take one to save somebody!”

He giggled infuriatingly. “Sorry dearie but these are the rules! I didn’t make them up. There has to be,” he pauses and looks at Regina. “A price.”

“Fine,” Emma hisses at him. “Then I will pay it.”

Emma abruptly turns, going back to Robin, focusing all of her energy on him.  _ “If only for Regina,”  _ she thinks.  _ “Then I will save him, and pay the price myself. Even if it takes me instead.” _

Emma’s thoughts were briefly flooded with images of the dark one who would do anything for her queen, soft smiles for praise against the cruel smile staring back.

Robin sits up and gasps seconds later, and she feels the magic still pulsing in her hand. She looks at it, and back up to the corner, where Rumple sits unbothered, eyes knowing the price of what she did.

Somehow, Emma knew as well.

Regina runs to Robin’s side, relieved that he’s still alive. Emma clutches her hand to her chest and pretends that it doesn’t hurt to see.

_ You’re weak. You should’ve just killed him.  _ Emma shook her head aggressively, staring at the floor.  _ You’ll never get what you want if you continue like this, Emma.  _ The voice crooned, almost in a soothing voice; the voice of a siren beckoning you to the sea. 

Hook asks again, if Emma is alright, and she makes a quiet excuse of being woozy, and she turns to leave the room; fleeing the new found heartache, the worried stares of her parents, and the voice in her head that won’t leave her alone.

When she enters the stairway, Gold appears in front of her. “You liked the power,” he says, grinning like a cat who got the cream.

Emma shakes her head, denying it, even though she knows that somewhere, deep in her, she didn’t like it.

She loved it.

He points to her hand, and she looks down, stifling a gasp with her other one.

The sparkly, silver tinge crawling up her right arm reveals the lie she told herself, and she hurries to her room.

Regina is relieved, heart filled with joy. Her eyes follow Emma as she hurries out of the room, and she can’t help but feel a draw to go check on her- to have her back the way Emma has always had hers.

She’s drawn back to the present from her musings by Robin attempting to sit up, and she immediately moves to help him.

Arthur enters the room, congratulating her on being able to save Robin, praising her savior power. Emma, however, chose this moment to appear behind him, clearly about to re-enter the room. She reevaluates this decision and turns, fleeing once again, but from what, she doesn’t know. Regina goes after her, this time, determined to be there for her friend.

Emma stands, in the hallway, with moonlight shining onto her hair. With the flower crown and the flowing white dress, paired with her golden curls, she looks the part of the princess she should’ve grown up as, and Regina can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt, but carries on.

“Emma?” She called out, hesitant.

Emma turned to her, one hand cradled to her chest still. “Yes, Regina?” Her voice shook Regina to the core. It was lifeless, almost. Dull, as if any energy that Emma possessed was sapped from her.

“I.. just wanted to see how you were doing.” Nervously, Regina bit down on her lip, unsure as of how this would go, seeing how unpredictable Emma was lately.

Emma just sighed, turning to face her fully, hand still pressed into her chest. “I’m doing fine, don’t worry about me. Go back to your soulmate, I surely didn’t bring him back so he can enjoy life without you.” The last part slipped out of Emma’s mouth, and she cursed under her breath, turning back to the window she stood at. Memories of a dark one who lived centuries before her flashed in her mind, over and over again. Regina stood behind her, at a loss for words, trying to formulate a sentence.

_ The dark one knelt beside the Queen’s throne, a content look upon her face while a hand reached down and stroked her hair fondly, almost like a pet. The Queen rewarded her for her loyalty. She loved her Queen, any gazing upon the two could see the love and admiration in her eyes. But the Queen only loved her power, never the tool she used for it. _

Emma shook her head, and turned to Regina. “Go to him,” she said softly, but her expression didn’t match the tone. Her face looked troubled, almost frustrated.

“No,” Regina said, with a tone of finality. “I’m going to be here for you. Robin doesn’t need me hovering right now.” 

Emma bristled, clearly at war with herself. “I don’t need you hovering either,  _ Your Majesty,”  _ Emma hissed. “Have you ever considered that I don’t need you? You may need me, but I don’t need you! I need none of you!” 

The hand that was so carefully cradled flew out of its place, pointing at Regina, and the former queen took her chance- snatching the hand out of the air, examining it carefully. A gasp flew out of her mouth, and Emma stilled, body deflating and fight leaving her body.

“Emma..” the words barely made it out of her mouth, so low, so guilty, filled with shock. “I did this, didn’t I?” 

Emma shook her head and laughed; a sad, low sound. “No, Regina. You didn’t. Because, you see,” She gestured wildly with her arms. “I’d do it a thousand times if it meant keeping you happy. No matter the price,” she dropped her voice even lower, and turned her head. “Always.”

Regina stepped closer, hand going to cradle Emma’s cheek and bringing her face back to her. She was struck by the love and devotion she heard in Emma’s voice. She wondered, briefly if it’d always been there.

She leaned in, unconsciously, eyes flickering from the beautiful jade eyes she knew so well that were filled with a sadness that was so deep that it couldn’t have possibly just showed up, she knew it had been there for a long time; to her lips, the soft, pink lips that she’d always wondered what it felt like to kiss them.

Emma ripped away from her, the fire back. “No, you can’t do that,” she nearly yelled, voice suddenly hoarse. “You can’t beg me to save him and sacrifice my sanity for you and then look at me like that, like you..” She trailed off, and suddenly disappeared in a puff of grey smoke, glittering with silver and blue streaks.

Regina gasped and sunk to her knees, wondering what the hell she did.

* * *

_ She doesn’t love you, Emma. _

_ She never has, and never will. She only felt her own guilt. _

Emma screamed, slamming her fist into the stone wall again and again, panting between sobs, gasping for breath, voice hoarse. The energy seeped out of her like the tide leaving the shore. She changed and fell into the luxuriously comfortable feather bed that she wasn’t able to fully enjoy. She thought she sensed an odd magic in the bed, between the sheets and the comforters, everywhere around her. She was simply too tired to inspect it, however. Despite knowing dark one’s don’t need sleep, she forced herself to, sapped of her magical energy from the emotional outburst. 

The darkness took this opportunity to flood her mind, her dreams.

_ Emma, you could do so much with your magic. _

Young Emma stood, shaking, with welts on her leg, in front of a man with a belt raised.

_ You could save her,  _ it whispered, all around her, as she watched the young little girl’s lip begin to quiver.  _ Do it, Emma. Save her. _

_ “I won’t go dark. I won’t!” She had an idea. “Run, Emma. Run! It’ll be okay. Just run!” _

Young Emma didn’t appear to hear her, and the belt came down. Right before it made contact, though, the darkness cut off the scene. 

_ Tsk, tsk.  _ The darkness chided. _ If you won’t save your younger self, how will you save others? How can you continue to call yourself a savior? _

_ “I am a savior,”  _ Emma sobbed, falling to her knees. 

_ Oh, are you? Save yourself, then. _

_ Emma was suddenly in a home she’d remember any day. She knew instantly she was thirteen again, and she repressed a shiver of fear. She heard the footsteps coming towards her room, and she braced herself. _

_ “Hey, little sis,” the voice of her seventeen year-old foster brother called, tauntingly. “Glad to see you’re home.” _

_ “I’m not your sister,” She hissed, on the defensive. _

_ He didn’t reply, simply coming closer and sitting on her bed. She had her legs up to her chest, back against the wall. He continued to get closer, and she couldn’t scoot any farther away.  _

_ “Get away from me,” she warned, but her voice quivered. He only grinned, and got closer to her. _

_ She struggled, but he pinned her arms above her head, and she began to cry. _

The darkness spoke into her ears.  _ Save yourself, savior. You can do it. _

_ “Get off of me!” She yelled, pushing him away with strong force. “Don’t,” she jumped up, off the bed, to where he was on the floor of the small bedroom. “Touch me, ever again!” She kicked him in the ribs. “I hate you! I hate you so much!” She screamed. She fell to her knees, and he disappeared, leaving her in the dark, screaming until her voice was hoarse. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is really an Emma-thought centered chapter for the first half, as the heroes all try to find Merlin in different ways, Emma just wants to stay in her head. Regina works on someway to talk to Merlin, to get Emma back and then go home.

When Emma woke up from her dream, it was still the middle of the night. She found something to occupy herself in the meantime.

"Over, under, over, across." She repeated this mantra as she worked, getting started on her third dream catcher by the time the sun is rising. She doesn't notice, however, too engrossed in her thoughts and her work. She quickly put it away, however, when she sensed someone coming. Without a second thought, she used her magic to speed the process of getting ready along, and by the time there was a knock, Emma was able to pretend she'd been up and getting ready all along, walking with her mother down the hallway in a second. She hid her shaking, silver hand in her dress.

She follows them around while they all do different things, getting no closer to finding Merlin. She finds herself staring into space, absentmindedly doing the motion for a dream catcher with her hands, if only to occupy her brain. If she had been paying attention, she would've seen Regina's worried stare, her mother's half-hearted concern but turning back to Neal soon after, her father's engrossment with King Arthur. Things were passing around her very slowly.

"Emma? Are you alright?"

Emma doesn't look up.

Regina snaps her fingers. "Emma!"

She nearly jumps out of her skin, eyes wild and confused, before calming herself down. "Hm? I must've zoned out."

Regina nods, almost like she's trying to chew the information. "Yes, noted. Honestly, did you even sleep?"

For a fleeting second, Emma wants to do horrible things, an irrationally angry thought from being asked about this in front of everyone, but she pushes them away. "Yes, I slept. It wasn't restful." And with that she turns back to her hands, making the motions fluidly. It technically wasn't a lie, because she did sleep for a small bit of time. Just not the whole night.

Emma finds herself outside, by Merlin's tree. She wants to get rid of it and be done, to just go home-

What is she even thinking? She clutches the sides of her head, forcing those thoughts away. She looks left and right before summoning her materials and continuing on with her latest dreamcatcher, working the afternoon away.

_Good, you're making something useful. You can take their memories. In fact, you can make them forget you were ever the dark one, and just go home. How does that sound?_

Emma shakes her head and continues on, not even going to pay those thoughts a second glance.

_Or what about the Queen? You want her? Take her. Take the memories of Robin and take anyone else who remember's him's memories, and have her._

"I would never do that to Regina. I'll never take her free-will away," She mumbles in response, barely hearing the words leaving her mouth.

The darkness latches onto that, as well.

_What about your mother? She took Regina's free-will away. You've read Regina's story. Your mother had her married to her father. A child married to a grown man, to be a mother to another child._

Emma stops and closes her eyes, clutching her hand in her dress as the dark thoughts pool into her head and the darkness rushes through her veins like adrenaline, taking advantage of the momentary weakness.

" _When will this stop?"_ Emma's thoughts are met with, unsurprisingly, nothing.

* * *

Regina works tirelessly in the tower with Belle, scanning through many different books and scrolls and anything that could possibly bring them closer to Merlin.

"Regina? We've been up here all day, I think we can take a break."

Regina spins to Belle, eyeing her dangerously. " _You_ may do that, if you so wish. But I won't stop until I can get that damn darkness out of Emma." She spits the words out at the other woman before turning back.

She feels Belle's eyes on her, and when she turns back, Belle is sporting a sad, knowing smile.

"What?" She snaps.

"You love her, don't you." It's not a question, just a statement.

Regina scoffs, trying to avoid looking at Belle's eyes. "I love Robin." But even to her own ears, the words sound weak.

Belle comes closer and puts her hand on Regina's shoulder. "Loving a dark one.. Is harder than loving anyone else. Hold on to her, Regina. Don't lose her for him. And," she lowers her voice. "If I'm going to be honest, I think she's in love with you, too." With that, Belle exits the room, leaving Regina conflicted and frustrated, and she puts her head in her hands.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Regina go on a ride together and Regina realizes (and confesses) somethings.

Regina looked down at Emma, concern in her eyes. That filthy pirate knelt next to her, and she longed to be the one doing that; being there for her. She wanted to stroke Emma’s hair and tell her it would be alright, even if she didn’t know that it would. Because she didn’t. Emma was getting worse, seeing more and more things that aren’t there. Emma carefully had placed her hands out of sight. Snow paced behind her, snapping at David when he finally showed up.

Emma continues to be unresponsive, merely getting up and walking out of the room when Henry and Hook offer to take her somewhere to clear her mind.

“I think.. Emma was here for the dagger.” Snow and David look at her, a clear fight brewing between the two of them.

 After moments of arguing about giving Arthur the dagger, Snow speaks to Regina. “Do you mind please giving us a minute?”

Annoyed but compliant, Regina removes herself from the room. She doesn’t want to give Arthur the dagger. She doesn’t want anyone to hurt Emma, to take her from them, to.. She just didn’t want it to happen.

 She decides to go to Merlin’s tower, determined to try and find something else that may help them free Emma from this tormenting curse, but soon gets a better idea.  


* * *

 Emma smiles softly, the first thing she’s done since falling silent, at Henry and his kindness. His beautiful heart and soul would never cease to amaze her, and she wonders how she made him, how such a lovely person came from her. Of course, she knew the answer. It was Regina who raised him this way, such a thoughtful and kind boy.

Shaken out of her thoughts, Emma is brought face-to-face with a horse. “No, Hook. I’m not getting on that. Animals.. Haven’t seemed to like me very much since becoming..” she gestures vaguely at herself with her hand. The animal eyes her cautiously, as if unable to decide its opinion on her.

“Well then, maybe I can help.”

Emma jumps out of her skin at the foreign voice behind her, but relaxes when she recognizes it as Regina.

“And how would you do that?” Hook sounds vaguely annoyed, but otherwise doesn’t show it. Probably because Regina is interrupting the only alone time they’ve had since arriving at Camelot. Not that Emma minded.

“Well, I was a champion in my old days. I have a way with horses. Perhaps Miss Swan would like an experienced rider?”

Hook nearly bites his tongue off to get the words out. “No, I don’t think that’ll be nec-”

Emma interrupts him. “Actually, Killian, I’d like that.” She says the words quietly, but sharp enough to cut him off. “It would be nice to get some bonding time with Regina, and she..”

“I think what she means is I have two functional hands.” Regina looks almost smug, enjoying the turmoil clear on Hook’s face.

He clears his throat and smiles, going to kiss Emma only to be met with a cheek. “Right. You two have fun then.” Before walking off, towards the stable, handing Regina the reins. He hisses in her ear, “Watch yourself, your majesty. One might thing you want another man's woman.”

“Or maybe, captain,” she says the words lowly, but with clarity, “She doesn’t want a one-handed wonder. Just a thought.” The look on Hook’s face says it all, but Regina quickly steps forward to Emma, and he huffs before stomping off.

“Now, why don’t we get started?” Emma looks wildly nervous about approaching the animal, and the animal seems skeptic of Emma, as well.

Regina strokes her muzzle softly and scratches gently behind her ears. The horse relaxes a tiny bit, and she lets out a soft laugh. “Is that your sweet spot? Right there?” She scratches in a different place, on the neck, near the chestnut mares ear, and the horse stretches out her neck, lifting it up and down almost in an “yes!”, making Emma smile.

She looks at Emma from where she’s scratching the mare gently. “See? Big puppies, really.”

Emma hesitantly gets closer, hand by her side. The mare looks just as hesitant, but Regina reassures her, petting her neck soothingly. “Go on, touch her nose.”

The blonde woman reaches her hand out to touch her snout, and aside from the mare jolting, she doesn’t react. After a few minutes of gently stroking the mare’s nose, she’s relaxed again, content to know that Emma means her no harm.

“Good! Now we can mount.” In a swift motion, Regina is mounted onto the horse, and Emma takes note of the riding trousers and vest before looking down at her own dress. “You’ll be fine, you can ride side-saddle.” Regina’s voice startles her, and leans towards her, a hand outstretched.

Emma takes her hand and swings up with a bit of difficulty. “Good job, dear,” Regina murmurs. “Put your arms around my waist, I don’t want you to fall.” 

Gulping, Emma hesitantly wraps her arms around Regina’s torso, feeling the warmth from it, and the smooth contours of her body. She relaxes almost instantly, resting her head on Regina’s back, a soft, content smile on her face. Regina, if Emma could’ve seen her, had a similar smile on her face, before nudging the horse into a walk.

They find themselves in a field of beautiful white flowers, while the sun sets. Emma looks peaceful, the most at peace she’s been in days. Regina, without thinking, brushes a piece of hair behind Emma’s ear, and for a moment, Emma relaxes into the small touch, before abruptly turning away.

Regina is left with her hand in the air, and at a loss for words. “Emma, please, just..”

The blonde woman turns around, tears in eyes. “Do you have to do this now, Regina? I can’t. Please, let us end this day on a good note. This is the happiest I’ve been in weeks.”

Regina is startled by the admission, but nods. Hesitantly she moves closer to the blonde and draws her into an embrace, and even though Emma was stiff at first, she relaxes, placing her arms around Regina’s waist. She mouths three words she’s been too afraid to tell anyone her whole life, and she means them with her whole soul.

Regina feels lips moving against her shoulder. “What are you saying?” The words are soft, but husky, without meaning to be. Emma startles.

“Nothing, nothing.” She mumbles, cheeks red, turning her head away. Regina puts a bit of space between them, hands on Emma’s shoulders, then a hand on her cheek, bringing her back to her. She looks into Emma’s eyes, no longer shocked by seeing the love in them. She’s sure there’s the same in hers, better concealed, but still there. They’re both lost, slowly moving towards the other’s lips and they touch softly.

It was like nothing either of them had ever experienced. It was like becoming complete, for the first time in so long. Emma’s lips were soft and supple, feeling like magic. Regina deepened the kiss and she felt Emma’s hands tighten around her waist. They kiss for minutes before coming up for air.

Regina rests her head on Emma’s forehead, and Emma takes in what just happened before trying to get out of the other woman’s embrace. “Emma? What are you doing?”

“We can’t! You are with.. And I’m sort of.. I.. I don’t know! This can’t happen. You don’t want me, Regina. A broken ex-convict, barely a savior, and now going insane.” The words tumble out of Emma’s mouth so fast, Regina can barely catch up.

“Emma! Emma. Calm down, look at me.” Regina’s voice leaves no room for argument, and the blonde woman looks up.

“Emma,” she says, taking her hands. “You.. are the only thing that feels right. I do want you. You’re not broken.” The words are said with such sincerity that Emma is stunned into silence.

_ Wouldn’t someone who wants to control you say just the right words? _

Emma shakes her head, trying to force the thoughts out.

  _She doesn’t love you, Emma. How could she? Hook doesn’t love you, either. He just loves the idea of having won a “prize.”_

 Emma squeezes her eyes shut, to the concern of the former-mayor. “Emma? Are you okay?” But Emma doesn’t reply.

She feels like everything is underwater, and without a second thought, she leaves Regina alone in the field, grey smoke in her wake. A tear falls down Regina’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter coming up: interesting things! The fun scene where Emma stops Regina from giving the Charmings the dagger will be included, and I've got such good ideas for this. I'm giddy with excitement. I don't know when the next chapter will come out, because I've got standardized testing this week and honestly I'm wiped. Thanks for reading! Mwah!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry this took so long lol. I plan on updating a lot this week, so we'll see what happens. Enjoy!

_ “With all due respect, I’m not you.” _

Those words bounced around Regina’s head as her and Emma made their way to Merlin. Of course, she didn’t want Emma using dark magic. She was worried, and it was clear Emma now had a clear agenda; free Merlin, no matter the cost. It scared her, what Emma could turn into. 

“Bring me the vial.”

Regina hardens. “I’m not giving you a  _ damn  _ thing until you tell me how you knew David and Mary Margaret were under a spell.”

Emma sighs, frustrated, but face void of emotion, unwilling to give anything up. “We don’t have time for this.”

“ _ Make time.” _

“Fine! I saw it. With this,” she pulls the dreamcatcher from seemingly thin air, with a calm expression. “A dream catcher.”

“Emma this is  _ dark _ magic." Extremely dark magic, to be specific. Regina narrowed her eyes at it.

“I  _ know. _ ”

After bantering for a few moments, Regina looked Emma in the eyes, frustrated and unwilling to give up. Emma stared back, a blank look upon her face, and Regina sighed.

“Merlin’s true love was killed in front of him, right before he was turned into a tree,” Emma says. “He was trapped using his tear.”

_ I wish I knew what you were thinking, Emma.  _ “That’s it,” She says instead. “We make the antivenom  _ with _ the venom.”

* * *

Together, they make their way through the forest, and Emma wishes it weren’t so quiet. The soft crunching of leaves and sticks under their feet and the low noise of birds singing their melodies was not enough to keep the voices at bay- until they run into Henry, holding a sword.

“Henry!” Regina scolds. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, you know,” he says sheepishly. “Just getting into the Camelot spirit.”

Emma could tell a lie from a mile away, and Regina can tell Henry’s lies even easier. They stare at him before he gives up the real reason, and Emma narrows her eyes, protective and angry thoughts brewing.

_ Yes, how dare he tell your son what to do. To fit in, no less! _

She grits her teeth and ignores the voice, determined to get things done, and to speak to her son like a real mother.

_ You could kill this man. Surely he cannot take on the most powerful dark one there ever has been. _

She clenches her jaw and unclenches it as soon as Regina looks her way.

“Henry, I liked your dad because he was himself. Someone who really cares will like you for yourself, and should.” Emma doesn’t know what prompted her to share this information, because she made rules for herself, and one of them is  _ never talk about Neal. _

“If you hadn’t changed for the better, you wouldn’t be with Robin,” Henry reasons with his mothers.

Emma’s jaw immediately clenches, and her hands curl up into tight fists. She chooses to stay silent, allowing Regina to talk to Henry, or she may say something she’d regret.

“ _ Who am I kidding,”  _ Emma thought. “ _ If I said what I thought about Robin, I wouldn’t regret it at all.” _

She shakes her head as Henry runs off.

“Emma!” Regina startles Emma and she blinks, inclining her head towards her.

“I think I know how we get our missing ingredient.”

She knew she shouldn’t have done it. She regrets taking that girls heart. But they wouldn’t be where they are now, about to free Merlin. She’ll soothe his heartache later, she reasons, will guide him through his heartbreak. She could’ve told Regina her tear wouldn’t work, but she had to make her believe that she thought it would. She’d make it up to them later.

Regina throws fireballs at Arthur’s soldiers while the power surges around Emma, full of light and dark. She wields it like a second extension, forcing it into the tree, forcing the prison off of Merlin.They stand in silence, as Merlin stands up. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he smiles. “Emma.”

Somehow, Emma knew Merlin, but the use of her name did startle her.

In the background, Arthur spits threats at Merlin, excalibur gripped tightly in his hand, but they’re waved off. “Put it away, Arthur,” he chides. “We both know that sword can’t hurt me.”

They find themselves in the diner. Regina is with Robin, making Emma’s blood boil, while Killian wraps his arm around her waist, and she doesn’t have the heart to tell him to move.

“Can you free Emma from the darkness?”

“Sure,” he answers with a casual shrug.  _ “ _ But with a caveat,” he warns, coming closer to Emma. “Darkness like this takes a hold of the person. Finds its way deep inside where no one else can see. It makes you wish for things you can’t have, reveals your true desires. So Emma, is your heart ready to be free? It’s as much up to you as it is to me.”

Emma throws a glance at Regina before looking back at Merlin, nodding.

“ _ Unfortunately, I can’t let this happen.” _


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm really sorry for the delay. I've been super fatigued and just all around not feeling up to writing. I really did intend to write during break week, but I spent most of it sapped for energy. Anyway, enjoy this.

  _Emma?_ Regina lifted her head groggily, eyes squinted as she surveys the scene around her. _Are we in Granny’s?_ Robin comes to her as soon as he’s conscious and she almost waves him off, but accepts his help. Something feels wrong.

Regina’s mouth is set in a firm line when the two dwarves tasked with surveying the town enter the diner. “What are you guys doing here?”

“What happened,” Snow breathes out at the same time David murmurs, “we’re back.”

She thinks that somewhere, in the background, Killian might’ve said something, but something isn’t right. She can’t place it, but-

Her head snaps up. _Emma! “_ This doesn’t make any sense,” Regina says. “We were just walking into Camelot..” she trails off, eyes carefully searching the room.

Grumpy looks down at his clothes, and back to the other dwarves. “Sneezy, how long were we gone?”

“Six weeks,” He replies wearily, seemingly as suspicious of the situation as everyone else involved.

Regina’s mouth drops while the Charming’s murmur about their memories being gone. _Yes, you idiots._ She thinks, irritated. _Point out the obvious, why don’t you._

Hook is the only one on the same page as her, when he finally says, “Where’s Emma?”

The rest of the party in the diner look around quickly, when a voice breaks their murmurs as they search.

“Oh _relax._ ” Emma says from the doorway of the diner, sparks from broken lamps going off near her head. “I’m right here.” She looks bored, with a feral look in her eye, dangerous and inviting. Regina can’t help but trail her eyes down Emma’s black-leather clad body, enjoying the view.

Emma seems to have the same idea about her own attire, and has no problem showing her appreciation, her tongue darting out to swipe across her bottom lip. Regina bristles and braces herself. _This isn’t Emma._ She reminds herself.

“What happened?” Henry asks in a small voice, bringing her back to reality.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Emma sneers. “You went to Camelot to get the darkness out of me.” She stalks towards Snow, hand ghosting her face. “And you _failed.”_

“Emma, stop this.” Regina steps forward, a pleading tone to her voice. “I don’t want to have to use th-” Her hands stop their travel toward her waist, where the dagger was previously placed on her body. _Wh-?_

Emma is in front of her suddenly, breath mingling with hers. “Looking for this?”

The silver dagger with the beautiful cursive holding Emma’s name is thrust in front of her eyes, and she swallows.

“No one is going to touch this dagger but me. Unless,” Emma pauses, eyes taking in Regina hungrily, like a lion stalking prey. “You’d like to use it on me? Hint, my safeword is bear claw.” There was a glint of humor in her eyes, reminding her of a previous Emma Swan, the one who scrawled her reports out and handed them in late and always got a coffee stain on her shirt no matter how careful she was.

But this wasn’t her Emma Swan.

This was the dark one, with incomparable power. And from the sway in her hips and power exuding from every step, she seemed to know it.

“I know you like what you see, Your Majesty.” Emma purred, lips close to her ear. “But that’ll have to wait for another day.” Regina shivers, a shock sent down her core from the sudden closeness. Emma steps away, done tormenting Regina for the time being.

“For what you all did to me,” Emma turned slowly between the group. “You’re all about to be punished.”

Hook tried to reach out to her but just like that, she vanished, leaving behind a spicy sweet scent and grey smoke.

*****

She’s sure there was important things going on in the diner, Snow was fussing over Neal and David was trying to think of a course of action. Regina, however, stared at the floor of the diner, in shock. _What drove Emma to this?_ She thought desperately. _How come she looked at me in that manner? Like.._ She searched for the correct wording in her mind. _Like her world was crashing?_ Robin shook her shoulder and she snapped out of it, turning to him with a frown on her face. “Yes, Robin?” The words sound hollow coming out of her mouth, and she can barely focus.

“Are you alright, darling?” Robin’s eyes are full of love and concern, and she can’t look at it right now, the reason unknown to her.

“Yes, yes. I must.. I have to get Henry home.” Robin went to follow, but she held her hand up. “Alone, Robin. This.. this is incredibly delicate.”

Robin nodded and kissed her cheek, promising to check in with her soon, after he gets Roland. She hums her agreement, despite barely listening. She snaps back to reality when she hears Henry snapping at Hook.

“Does it matter? She’s still my mom!” Her little boy had shot up like a weed, and he had his fists clenched at his sides.

“Henry Daniel Mills,” Regina scolds. “You don’t talk to people that way!”

“He said Emma was evil and that- well, he said-” He seemed to stutter on the words, fumbling to get them out.

“What I said, love,” Hook sneers, interrupting her son. Her eyes narrow, but she allows him to continue. “Is that wasn’t it a bit odd how Emma was staring at you, Your Majesty? Not to mention that comment, at the end.”

If possible, her eyes narrowed further. “Just what exactly are you implying, _Pirate_?”

“I’m implying, you impossible _witch_ , that maybe what happened in Camelot wasn’t just all of us. It was _you._ ”

Regina nearly sputtered before she caught herself, maintaining a regal composure. “Oh yes, a few offhanded comments meant to intimidate me from the dark one are particularly worrying. Are your insecurities catching up with you, Hook?”

He goes to respond, but she holds up her hand. “Don’t. Whatever your problem is, I don’t care. Don’t speak to my son about his mother the way you did.”

She turns, beckoning Henry to her. They leave the diner with her arm around his shoulders, but not before Hook calls out.

“You can deny it all you want, Regina!” He shouts. “But I saw the look in her eyes. That was the look of someone who’s world is lost to them.”

Regina didn’t grace the comment with a retort or even turn around to acknowledge it. But the pirate’s words shook her to the core, and he knew it. It would be a long night.

*****

Henry took a shower when they got home and crashed in his bed. Regina leaned on the doorway of his room, biting her lip in worry. Her mind wouldn’t stop racing, full of thousands of thoughts. She left the nightlight that she’d bought for Henry (he’d never been able to sleep without them after Neverland) and left the door open a crack before heading downstairs.

She grabs a glass from the cupboard and wine from the counter, pouring herself a generous glass, seeing as she wouldn’t get much sleep tonight. She turns around and nearly screams, wine glass jolting in her hand.

Emma Swan is sat on one of her island counter chairs, inspecting her fingernails without a care in the world.

“ _Miss Swan!_ ” Regina hisses, her free hand clutching at her chest as her heart beats rapidly for multiple reasons. “What are you doing in my house? Even better question, _how did you get in?_ You do realize that you’re a sheriff, you can’t go breaking and entering-”

Emma stands and holds up a hand, stopping the brunette woman’s whisper-rant. “I’m here because I wanted to speak with you.” She pauses before deciding on her words. “Privately. Also, two things: I can lock pick, and I’m the dark one.” She makes a ‘duh’ gesture with her hands, and shrugs.

“You couldn’t have texted me? Called me, maybe? Let me know you were going to give me a heart attack?”

Emma smirks, that predatory gleam back in her eye. “Where’s the fun in that? What’s a game without a little.. Mm.. excitement?” Her grin was like the Cheshire cat, wide and full of white teeth. They were surrounded by blood red lips, and Regina found herself staring at them.

She inspects Emma’s now stark-white hair, pulled up in a tight bun. She finds herself inspecting other aspects, like the way her leather top hugs her curves and pushes up her breasts, or how her tight leather pants form around her long legs.

“See something you like?” Emma purrs out, eyes dark and roaming.

Regina scoffs. “As if, Miss Swan.” Emma only laughs.

“Sure. Well, in that case,” Emma takes three strides forward and is in front of Regina, lightly pressing her against the counter with her hands on either side. She brings her lips close to the brunette woman’s ear and whispers. “I like what _I_ see, Madame Mayor.”

Regina shivers, a familiar shock from earlier sent down her as Emma’s lips just barely brush her ear. She bites her lip and takes a deep breath. _This isn’t my Emma._ “Of course you do, dear. I’m the Queen.” _She’s playing a game. I have to play better._

“Enough with this, Emma. What is it you came for?” She demands, unwilling to show just how much she was affected.

Heeled feet step backwards and pale, slightly silver hands adjust a leather jacket. “Always so boring, getting down to business,” she says. “Why can’t I just step in on a friendly call?” Harsh emerald eyes stare into Regina’s, and she forces herself not to waver.

“Why did you bring us here?” Regina demands. “How did you bring us here?”

“Tsk, tsk,” Emma tuts. “I can’t tell you that. That’s why it’s a curse. I just wanted to see you, perhaps kiss and tell without that _idiot_ you call a soulmate around. I mean, seriously. He smells like the woods.”

She was taken aback. _Where did that hatred for Robin come from?_ “How dare you! Says the woman who’s true love has a hook for a hand!”

Emma chokes, catching herself before laughing as quietly as possible. A fake, or possibly real tear with all the effort, escaped her eye while the former queen put her hands on her hips. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing,” Emma sighs, finally clearing her throat enough to speak. “Just that you thought Hook was my true love. An amazing joke, Regina, truly. I applaud you.”

The confused look on Regina’s face doesn’t leave, and Emma goes quiet. “You really thought he was my true love?” At the silence from Regina, she shrugs. “I don’t want him. I want someone else,” she quietly admits.

 _There’s that look again._ “But orphans don’t get true loves.” Her quiet admission shocks the other woman.

“What makes you say that?” Regina is puzzled now, eyebrows furrowed. She wants to reach out and bring Emma into her arms, to make that genuine sorrow on her face disappear. _Where did that come from?_

Another shrug. “I didn’t come here for this.” She steps forward slightly, eyes soft and lips parted slightly, hand coming up to tuck piece of stray hair behind Regina’s ear. “Goodnight, Regina.” The words are whispered and before Regina can register the fingers lightly brushing her cheek, Emma is gone, and she buries her face in her hands. _What a mess._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has some instability issues as the darkness tries to overtake her mindset once again. Her morality briefly has a show, but is stepped over. This chapter will be a long one to make up for the time I've missed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the events are mixed up, however I did this on purpose, for plot purposes. Show ended, my fic-verse is canon now in its own right :D WARNING: MENTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE. IF THIS IS A POSSIBLE TRIGGER FOR YOU, PLEASE DO NOT READ.

Emma paced the whole night, going about her shed, unsure of her plan. Did she have a plan?  _ Of course you have a plan.  _ A soothing voice tapped at her.  _ Kill that pirate, get rid of the forest man, get Regina.  _ Emma still felt off about it, her head trapped in two. Robin has a child. He needs his father, her reasoning was.  _ So did you, Emma!  _ That voice hisses, angry.  _ The world didn’t allow you to have a father. Many children grow up without them. Why should Roland be any different? He’s just another casualty. Just like you were, Princess. _

Emma considered it that way, knees tucked up about her chest, the burn of whiskey still tingling her throat. As the dark one she couldn’t get drunk, but she could still feel the burn. It was comforting, in a way. Something she could still feel. A casualty. She was a casualty, wasn’t she. Of a war she never took part in, starting before any of them were born. It wasn’t fair. She felt the familiar tug in her chest, the tightening and the hot tears racing down her cheeks, darkness pulsing through her veins.  _ Orphan Emma, running away in the rain at five.  _ A hiccup, tears roll onto the floor, onto the dream catchers scattered around her that she hadn’t hung up yet.  _ Orphan Emma, no one to protect her, beat by her foster mother. Orphan Emma, no father or uncle to dance with for the Daddy-Daughter dance. Orphan Emma, the girl who’s screams no one listened to. Orphan Emma, Orphan Emma, Orphan Emma..  _

Energy pulses around Emma’s body, unstable and angry and sad. Years of resentment and sadness and trauma surround her, and she shudders, begging it to stop. The sunlight pours into the shed, shining onto her subtly sparkling skin, but she hardly notices. Rumplestiltskin sits in the corner, something akin to a smile-grimace on his face. It’s just how you become a Dark One. he had not been exempt from this and neither would Emma Swan, the most powerful Dark One to rise.

She hadn’t gotten herself together when the pirate came banging on her door, and she heard it. Eyes red rimmed, the darkness retreated, energy leaving her as a river flows when a blockage is cleared. She falls against the door of the shed, and opens the door, quickly gaining energy upon seeing Hook. With quick strides she goes up to him, a sneer already gracing her face.

“What do you want, Pirate?”

“That’s just the darkness talking, love. I know you’re still in there-”

Emma quickly pressed a finger to his lips and moved in slowly. “Let me make this very clear,” she whispered, mostly for effect. “This? Is the Emma I can be. Maybe a bit more darkness than I should’ve had, but I can protect myself now. I can protect everyone now. And it does  _ not,”  _ she punctuated her word by shoving him backwards off her porch, “Include you!” Entering her house, she slammed the door shut to hear him shout meaningless “I know you’re in there, Swan!” and “I’ll fight for you!” at it, but they bounced off. She was quickly bombarded with more images of her past, but something interrupted it. A pulse of energy. It couldn’t be-  _ was it? _

_ There's your solution, Emma. And you didn’t even have to do anything. _

She celebrated the success with a glass of wine, planning further into her day, when her son summoned her.  _ Interesting. _

* * *

 

_ “Emma Swan. Emma Swan. Emma Swan.” _

“Henry,” she breathed out, relieved he was still in tact. The things the darkness whispered to her made her worry, but he’s there in front of her. She reached out for him, but he flinched away. She retreated, eyes hurt. “You don’t have to be scared of me.”

“Mom,” Henry’s eyes were pleading. “What happened? Why are you like this now?”

Emma looked away, biting her lip gently while her eyes scanned the sea. She never wanted to hurt Henry. He was always what she wanted to protect. Always her priority. “It’s… complicated. What happened in Camelot isn’t your fault.”

His green eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry we failed you.”

Emma felt her darkening heart break. “Oh Henry, no matter what I said last night, you didn’t fail me. The rest of them failed me. You could never have.”

“ _ Get away from my son.” _

Emma’s back straightened and she scoffed. “Now he’s your son? What’s the matter, Your Majesty, are you afraid Henry will learn the truth of what happened in Camelot?”

“If this truth is  _ so  _ important to you, why did you erase our memories,  _ Emma?” _ Regina sneered at the new Dark One.

White lashes didn’t bat with their reply. “It’s a curse, Regina. You’re familiar with them. Your family has quite the reputation,  _ dear.”  _ Regina stepped back and Henry looked unsure, wanting to say something but not wanting to hurt either of his moms.

The former queen regained her confidence. “ _ I know.  _ But what I can’t figure out is why.” Regina looked out, eyes distant.

Emma latched onto Regina’s feelings for a fleeting second, and retreated to her resentment. “If I had wanted you to know, I wouldn’t have erased your memories. I’m not one to  _ kiss and tell.” _

_ Don’t give away how you feel. She’ll use it against you. Remember the Queen, Emma. Remember that Dark One’s despair. Don’t let her in. You can have her, desire her, but _

_ later. Not now. _

Regina’s eyes narrowed at the phrase and odd contemplation on Emma’s face, however she didn’t acknowledge it. “You know we aren’t going to stop until we get  _ our _ Emma back, and our memories.” The dark one raised her chin at the statement.

“This  _ is  _ your Emma. The only one you’re getting. My parents took the darkness out of me, well.” She did a bow. “Here we go. Maybe a little excess, but.” She mockingly brushed off her shoulders.

Henry finally speaks up. “We can do it Mom, we can find a way. We always do.” He cast a pleading glance at his other mom, begging her to say something, to give something away. He saw the way he looked at Regina.

“I’d like to see you try, Regina, because there’s a bigger threat coming to Storybrooke; Something only a  _ Savior _ can deal with.” Regina took Henry’s arm and turned, walking away from the smirking blonde. “And there are  _ no saviors in Storybrooke anymore.” _

The blonde hurt, hurting Regina. But it was necessary, she knew. She repeated it until she could say it easily.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry it took so long to get this out, with everything going on I'm super tired. On that note, I got ferrets. Their names are Cookie and Cream.

She expected Regina to come, and so she left the door unlocked, unguarded. She was upstairs in her room resting when she sensed the her approaching and smiled. The door opened forcefully downstairs.“Swan! Where the hell are you?” Regina’s voice carried itself throughout the house. 

Emma appeared behind her, walking through the door and casually leaning against the door frame. “You know it’s customary to bring a gift to a housewarming. A nice bottle of wine, perhaps.” Sea glass eyes held little actual amusement in them, but twinkled with the type of jest that only a Dark One can have. “Well, if you won’t have any, I certainly won’t hold back.” And walked past the clearly angry mayor into her kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine rather than conjure one. Just to see the other woman’s brow furrow and that fire light in her eyes.

“We need to talk.” Her voice left no room for arguing, though Emma wasn’t very threatened.

“I suppose we could bottle that rage and drink it instead,” The blonde mused. Regina threw her a nasty glare as Emma leaned back against her counter, taking a long sip of her wine. “Do you want any? It’s French.”

Regina narrowed her eyes. “You’re right, I’m not the savior-”

“Glad you’ve caught up with the rest of us.”

The other woman was undeterred. “-I don’t have a choice,” She walked closer to Emma. “I know the only way to stop the Fury is to pay it’s price.”

Green eyes cast her a bored look. “Then why aren’t you off paying it?”

“Because I know what it is.” She paused to take in a breath. “A life. And I won’t sacrifice someone else to save Robin.”

Emma felt the familiar anger well up inside her. “ _ Now  _ you’re going to be heroic? Now life is precious to you?”

Regina’s face held an incredulous but hurt look. “Emma.. Listen to me. I know you. The good you.. It’s still in there.”

The other woman’s face fell entirely as Emma laughed harshly. “You of all people know there are no good or bad versions of ourselves. It is  _ just  _ me.”

“Then call the Fury off. It’s your test.”

“No.”

“No?” Regina demanded, that fire crawling into her eyes.

“Let me make myself  _ clear, _ Regina. I am  _ done  _ fixing your problems. I will no longer be cast about as the Heralded Savior of All.”

“My problems?! You started this!”

“Are we children now, Your Majesty?”

She ignored the jibe. “You called it here.”

Green met brown and red lips turned into a harsh frown. “Oh, you think I did this? Right, because everything is either my fault or my problem to fix, right Regina? This couldn’t be your issue?”

Regina was brought to shame at the truth of Emma’s words, but continued. “Would I be here otherwise if I thought someone else had caused it?”

The look she was given in response told her all she needed to know. “That’s your problem, Regina, you’re always looking for someone else to blame.” Her anger climbed with every step she began to take and the thoughts formulating in her mind.

“I did not summon that monster. The price  _ is not mine to pay.” _

Regina scoffed. “Then who’s is it?”

“Yours!” Emma spat the word with hate. “ _ You  _ are the one who did not pay the price of magic in Camelot. You want to save your  _ precious  _ Robin Hood? You want everyone to believe you’re the savior? Then  _ step up and do what needs to be done!”  _ She kept walking forward aggressively, successfully pushing Regina to the doorway.

In a much quieter, yet less calm voice, she said, “Camelot saw that you couldn’t do the same for me. Luckily I was there to do it for you. Now get out of my house.” She pushed forward more and Regina backed up, slamming the door with a wave of her hand. 

Brown eyes stared at the door in front of her for a long while before she let her legs bring her back to her home. She was slowly processing the tailend of their conversation, both angry with Emma’s harsh treatment of her and shocked at what Emma let out about Camelot.

“Emma…” She murmured to herself. “What happened in Camelot?” She looked up at the sky.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short little chapter with some insight into the past as Emma recounts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short and it's been so long, I haven't been feeling my best. Trying to get back to writing, though.

Emma walked through her shed, one hand trailing through the air to catch on the dream catchers with wistful eyes. She stops on one, caressing the outer edge before moving on. She was walking in an endless sea of the memories she stole, looking back on the near final fight.

_ Zelena stood with an air of confidence, chin raised and a haughty sneer on her lips. Beside her stood Arthur, with her family tied up. Except Robin, she could care less about him. But Regina.. Her parents..  _

_ “Zelena, make sure that’s real.”  _

_ Emma’s nostrils flare, but she waits, her plan is in action. “Not today, Greenie.” _

_ The box is rigged, and immediately Emma gives up her facade as Zelena screeches at Arthur; probably about his incompetence. Green eyes harden and she storms forward, hand clenched and ready to attack. The darkness surges through her and she radiates power, the familiar silver twinge crawling up her arm and across her neck now. Without looking, Emma waves a hand and releases her family before striding forward in angry steps and Arthur stumbles backwards, far away from her, far away from the anger he sees in her eyes. She’s hungering to kill him, to watch the life drain from his eyes, to make him truly regret what he did. _

_ “I always knew you to be a coward, Arthur. Tricking your wife, your kingdom, forcing a wizard to fight your battles for you. It seems your cowardice will never end,” She spits at him, nearly snarling. The magic that pulses underneath her fingertips looks about ready to crack from beneath her skin. _

_ Arthur gasps and sputters at her accusations. “Merlin, kill her!” _

_ Merlin struggles in front of her, sweat forming on his brow in his attempts to resist. His arm shoots out and he summons vines to grab Mary Margaret and she feels anger restart anew, coursing through her veins and her brain and pulsing in every crevice of her being. _

Arthur better hope I don’t get my hands on him.

_ “I can’t fight it.” Merlin seemed to crack under the pressure. Her eyes hardened. _

_ “I am sorry then, Merlin.” Her apology is weak. Of course she regrets having to do what she has resolved herself to do. But she has no time to play hero, to find a way to save both Merlin and her family. It’s one or the other. _

_ She knows which she’s chosen. _

_ “I’m sorry as well.” His eyes are mournful and reflective. _

_ She sensed it before she saw it, and she reacted to protect herself immediately. She heard gasps in the background, but all she could see was the power in front of her. Silver wisps with strands of gold and black sparkles were covering her vision and she felt it leave her hands, struggling against the force of blue. Sweat forms on her brow and her arms begin to cramp as she’s forced to her knees. Merlin grows closer and she can see the sympathy on his face, the regret. _

_ “I wish you could defeat me Emma.” He sounds so resigned, as if he knew that this outcome would end like this. _

It can’t end like this. I’ll fail them, I’ll fail them all.

“ **ENOUGH!”** _ Silver light shoots from her, black tendrils mixed in and it’s all she can see as she feels herself rise to her feet, beating back against Merlin’s magic. She breaks the connection and turns to Arthur and Merlin, fire in her eyes and ice in her heart. “Merlin if you cannot fend off the darkness, no one can!” _

_ Merlin struggles to fend off the darkness as the vines come around Mary Margaret's throat. Hook escapes his bonds, stunning Arthur and separating him from Excalibur and Merlin releases her immediately. _

_ “I said kill her! By the sword I command you-” _

_ She nods once to Merlin before storming to Arthur and lifting him into the air with one hand outstretched. He gasps for air and clutches at his throat. She laughs and shakes him there, watching him struggle. “ _ **You battled with forces you had no idea what to do with. You will pay for this, Arthur. No one will ever suffer your deception ever again.”** _ Crushing her, but everything is crushing background noise as she rushes to meet the ground after the Magic Drain she just had. _

She’s broken from her thoughts as she looks at her phone and sighs. “Nothings gonna get done if I don’t do it, right?” She says to an empty shed. She shrugs, and then disappears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of 2/17/19 I'm putting this work on a sort of hiatus. Which means: If I end up having inspiration to add a chapter to this story, great, I will! But regular updates have been eh for awhile now because of my Dragon Age obsession. Until that passes, I can't get much done here. Thanks everyone for sticking around as long as you have, and I promise I'll try to update as much as possible.


End file.
